A friend shared with me a few days ago the tragic circumstances surrounding her grandson's potty training. It should be mentioned that the grandson in question is a baby; he only just turned two. I am not sure the words potty training should even be associated with a conversation related to such a little boy. The baby's mother is young and he is her first child. There are certain things she doesn't know about potty training, and I'm sure she is bombarded regularly by well-meaning advice and bossing. (I know I was.) This mother has tried all the tricks, is beside herself with frustration and is disciplining her little guy for his inability to stop wetting and soiling his drawers.
I, myself, was potty trained at six months old! My mother proudly proclaims she put ALL of her babies on the potty EVERY THIRTY MINUTES. I am asking you: Who was trained--me or my mother? And because she could not understand why I insisted on diapering people who were past their first birthday, I felt compelled to force the issue with my own little ones. Like the young mother above, I tried everything. We sang about potties and watched videos about potties. We read books about big girls and boys who love to go on the big potty. We took pictures of each child's first poop on the potty, fed them M&Ms for potty success (one for pee-pee and two for poopie), encouraged the boys to sink Fruit Loops by peeing on them, called every relative in the world when we heard the first tinkle-tinkle-tinkle hitting the water, and bought them trendy potty chairs that looked like zoo animals. We slapped high-fives and drenched our little ones with hugs and kisses for even the tiniest drip-drop of pee. But until their little bodies were physically able to control their elimination, it was an endless exercise in futility with occasional success being purely accidental. They had rings around their bottoms and we had bags under our eyes. We were all miserable, because also like the young mother above, we scolded and shamed our dearest loves because we thought they were just being obstinate.
If only we could go back and do it without pressure. The oldest of our six bore the brunt of this stupidity. As the children and I spent more time with young moms and less time with grandmoms, I loosened up and realigned my thinking. My epiphany came the moment I realized that adult bowel and bladder control is not an issue for most of the population. Therefore, that must mean that successful potty training happens for almost everybody sooner or later. It also meant that making the process peaceful was a choice. I did not have to betray the most important and trusted relationship in my children's lives; I could love and encourage them as they moved through potty training at their own pace.
One of the boys was two-years-old and potty training when Jurassic Park came out on video. Anybody remember the scene in which the man got eaten by a dinosaur while sitting on the toilet? That scene launched us straight back into diapers for another year!
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